Breathing is hard today for me, it seems that air is made of lead, every particle falls heavily on my lungs almost puncturing my chest.
Today means nothing, the life means nothing....I seem to have found myself lost in the emptiness of days gone by. I want to find myself again, i want to know where to find myself, but most of all i want to practice what i preach, i want to find the energy and will to just DO!
sâmbătă, 3 decembrie 2011
luni, 14 noiembrie 2011
Lili
Tomorrow, 15.11.2011 is a sad day for me...a year ago i lost my best friend, a family member, part of my heart, of my being.....i remember her dearly, and after a year i am still not myself, i still fell sad, and i am still incomplete...
It's funny how i managed to love someone so much! It's unreal to me how much i depend on her...I still want her back, I still love her just as much, i have not forgotten her at all, every i think of her, i carry her in my heart, in my soul, in my very essence....we are not one, we never were, she is just a very big part of me, the most important part of me!!!!!
It's funny how i managed to love someone so much! It's unreal to me how much i depend on her...I still want her back, I still love her just as much, i have not forgotten her at all, every i think of her, i carry her in my heart, in my soul, in my very essence....we are not one, we never were, she is just a very big part of me, the most important part of me!!!!!
vineri, 19 august 2011
Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations
I went at my grandma's house, in the country side for a few days, and we usually take the same road, parallel to the Danube, and in between town there is this old and abandoned fish shop named STAR TREK, after my favorite tv series, and of course this time we just had to stop so I could take a picture, or two...
sâmbătă, 30 iulie 2011
Turn into a better you
As I sit in my dim lighted room, listening to "Wild world" I stop and ponder on the things I did do and the things i refrain from doing and i could not help but realise that i made a lot of mistakes which i deeply regret today....
I find it fascinating and weird how people can change as time goes by. I like to think that i changed for the better.
It is strange to me that once i was actually capable of hurting the ones i cared about and that i would never think before saying something, anything....it is strange that most times i knew what i was going to say or do will in fact hurt the ones i loved, but i did no matter what, i fact i found myself rather enjoying the thought that i have the power to make someone feel terrible....it is strange to me that back then, no so long ago actually, i was such an awful person, and now i find myself being different.
Of course, even back then there was a lot of good in me and of course i did ,in fact, felt bad for hurting other human beings, but somehow a part of me wanted to be bad, cruel, heartless.....i now know why...i was afraid to get hurt. In my mind, at that time, i thought that if i hurt them first they could never hurt me back but in fact my own actions and words hurt me more than they could ever imagine.
I find it strange and funny they i only hurt them to protect myself but ended up hurt by my behavior.
Life is indeed peculiar....
All in all, i changed a lot since then, and i do believe that everyone deserves a second chance just because everyone is allowed to do things wrong the first time...just like when you cook pancakes, the first one is never perfect....
I find it fascinating and weird how people can change as time goes by. I like to think that i changed for the better.
It is strange to me that once i was actually capable of hurting the ones i cared about and that i would never think before saying something, anything....it is strange that most times i knew what i was going to say or do will in fact hurt the ones i loved, but i did no matter what, i fact i found myself rather enjoying the thought that i have the power to make someone feel terrible....it is strange to me that back then, no so long ago actually, i was such an awful person, and now i find myself being different.
Of course, even back then there was a lot of good in me and of course i did ,in fact, felt bad for hurting other human beings, but somehow a part of me wanted to be bad, cruel, heartless.....i now know why...i was afraid to get hurt. In my mind, at that time, i thought that if i hurt them first they could never hurt me back but in fact my own actions and words hurt me more than they could ever imagine.
I find it strange and funny they i only hurt them to protect myself but ended up hurt by my behavior.
Life is indeed peculiar....
marți, 28 iunie 2011
How i think sometimes
this is how i think:
doing random stuff around the house, trying to make it look cool, fail like a boss, my initial reaction
"that was more awesome in my head"
but then:
"i have awesome stuff in my head :D, my head is awesome, my head is attached to my body, that means my body is awesome....my body is the carcass of my soul and being, my being is awesome...but wait...if my head and body and being are awesome that must only mean that
I AM AWESOME....and then i fail at life...again...but still DFTBA!!!!
doing random stuff around the house, trying to make it look cool, fail like a boss, my initial reaction
"that was more awesome in my head"
but then:
"i have awesome stuff in my head :D, my head is awesome, my head is attached to my body, that means my body is awesome....my body is the carcass of my soul and being, my being is awesome...but wait...if my head and body and being are awesome that must only mean that
I AM AWESOME....and then i fail at life...again...but still DFTBA!!!!
joi, 10 martie 2011
Meanings i do not agree with
I have an issue with the way dictionaries define words, i really think that some words and concepts should be adapted so they can correspond with their actual meaning...
For instance:
humane, humanity = marked by compassion, sympathy, or consideration for humans or animals
Since it derives from the word "human" it suggests that only humans can have such an attitude or feeling, but it seems to me that nowadays the majority of humans have lost their humanity and are incapable of treating anything in a humane way. It was considered that humanity was the main characteristic of humans, a general trait, the rule, i think it's more like the exception and someone should ether change the meaning of this word to mean "marked by the lack of compassion"
For instance:
humane, humanity = marked by compassion, sympathy, or consideration for humans or animals
Since it derives from the word "human" it suggests that only humans can have such an attitude or feeling, but it seems to me that nowadays the majority of humans have lost their humanity and are incapable of treating anything in a humane way. It was considered that humanity was the main characteristic of humans, a general trait, the rule, i think it's more like the exception and someone should ether change the meaning of this word to mean "marked by the lack of compassion"
miercuri, 23 februarie 2011
Thoughts of love
Such a cruel and unfaithful mistress love is! You can never rely on it, it's there when you do not expect it and it disappears when you need it the most. When you have no need for it, it storms in your life like hurricane and when you want it...it's gone, leaving absolutely nothing behind.
We can never explain it without sounding foolish...and nowadays you never find it in it's true form...i believe that in order to love you need to give up a part of yourself...
We can never explain it without sounding foolish...and nowadays you never find it in it's true form...i believe that in order to love you need to give up a part of yourself...
duminică, 20 februarie 2011
Fantasy is not a crime
After the exams i had a week off, no school, no work, basically nothing to do but dream...and to help me dream i have decide to watch some movies and some tv shows. Mostly fantasy, because that is my favorite genre when it comes to...well..everything....and since BittiLand is based on my fantasy is should come to no surprise i am a fantasy lover...
I've watched Narnia(always a favorite)
and of course Merlin. the tv show, i've watched it online, very good, i especially like the weird friendship between Merlin and Arthur, in a strange way they remind me of Spock and Kirk....
And recently i got hooked on Robin Hood. One of my childhood heroes! The story is a delight and the tv shows is good, of course the prop needs a lot of work, but hey, i don't mind because the actors are very very good, and there is no secret i'll forgive almost everything as long as it's british....
I realise i am quite a geek, i love movies that involve magic, adventure, fantasy, medieval weapons and so on, not to mention I am a huge fan of Star Strek TOS!!!
I even made someone photoshop this picture for me:
Mega-geek, i know....but still i make a better Vulcan then you will ever be!
Diftor reh smusma to all the Star Trek fans!
The labyrinth was awesome, with the best goblin king ever, David Bowie, if you are a fantasy fan you must watch this movie, i know you might think it's old ,but hey ,so is The Neverending story, and anyways old movies are much better!
Oh, this weekend i decided to watch all Lord of the rings movies, again...sometimes you gent can't enough....
And recently i got hooked on Robin Hood. One of my childhood heroes! The story is a delight and the tv shows is good, of course the prop needs a lot of work, but hey, i don't mind because the actors are very very good, and there is no secret i'll forgive almost everything as long as it's british....
I even made someone photoshop this picture for me:
Diftor reh smusma to all the Star Trek fans!
Oh, this weekend i decided to watch all Lord of the rings movies, again...sometimes you gent can't enough....
vineri, 18 februarie 2011
Life Lessons
I am only 20, going to be 21 soon and during my life i have learned some valuable lessons that i will share today.
1. Never fight for your rights, you will surely loose
2.If you fight for your rights you will be made a fool
3.If you are fighting for your rights against a "superior" that superior will remember you and will make your life hell
4.When you fight for your rights you will find yourself fighting all alone, not even your closest friends or family will support in your battle because they already know that it is indeed a lost cause
5.You are never right...even if in fact you are truly right
6. The truth is relative
7. The truth resists simplicity
8.Never ever tell the truth, no one will believe you
9.Telling the truth will only get into more trouble
10.Cheating is the only way you can win
11.Being dishonest is a quality
12.When you are down, better stay there, cause if you get up things will get complicated
13. Become a mindless zombie, because there is no use in fighting the system
14. The system in unbeatable
There are only a few lessons i've learned, i don not follow these "rules of life" but i discovered if i do, then i can get where i want...that is why i am not where i want...i choose to live differently
1. Never fight for your rights, you will surely loose
2.If you fight for your rights you will be made a fool
3.If you are fighting for your rights against a "superior" that superior will remember you and will make your life hell
4.When you fight for your rights you will find yourself fighting all alone, not even your closest friends or family will support in your battle because they already know that it is indeed a lost cause
5.You are never right...even if in fact you are truly right
6. The truth is relative
7. The truth resists simplicity
8.Never ever tell the truth, no one will believe you
9.Telling the truth will only get into more trouble
10.Cheating is the only way you can win
11.Being dishonest is a quality
12.When you are down, better stay there, cause if you get up things will get complicated
13. Become a mindless zombie, because there is no use in fighting the system
14. The system in unbeatable
duminică, 23 ianuarie 2011
Irrational fear of death
It is not in my grasp to understand why humans have developed such a fear....the fear of death...
yest, it is indeed unknown what we may find beyond, and it is also uncertain that there even is a "beyond"....but in the end, death, just like birth and life, is a natural thing, so whatever lies beyond is just as natural as the life we live.
This unexplained fear of death did not exist in the early times, when life was not as important and things like glory, honor, love, respect and friendship mattered much more then they do now, not to mention that life was shorter then( about 40 year maximum).
Nowadays we care little of important qualities we might poses and pay too much attention to the material side of life and how much we can earn and spend, and all of a sudden life in general means little to us.
Why do I say life means little? Because of the way we live, the air is barely breathable because of pollution, we eat only toxins and became lazy. To some humans a simple 5 minute walk seems like an unbearable burden.
Even though we care little about our health and life, we still live much longer.Why? Because we are so afraid of dying, because we do not want to understand it, because no one even speaks about it....
We are so afraid of death we even doubled our life span, from 40 to 80....
yest, it is indeed unknown what we may find beyond, and it is also uncertain that there even is a "beyond"....but in the end, death, just like birth and life, is a natural thing, so whatever lies beyond is just as natural as the life we live.
This unexplained fear of death did not exist in the early times, when life was not as important and things like glory, honor, love, respect and friendship mattered much more then they do now, not to mention that life was shorter then( about 40 year maximum).
Nowadays we care little of important qualities we might poses and pay too much attention to the material side of life and how much we can earn and spend, and all of a sudden life in general means little to us.
Why do I say life means little? Because of the way we live, the air is barely breathable because of pollution, we eat only toxins and became lazy. To some humans a simple 5 minute walk seems like an unbearable burden.
Even though we care little about our health and life, we still live much longer.Why? Because we are so afraid of dying, because we do not want to understand it, because no one even speaks about it....
We are so afraid of death we even doubled our life span, from 40 to 80....
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