I find it fascinating and weird how people can change as time goes by. I like to think that i changed for the better.
It is strange to me that once i was actually capable of hurting the ones i cared about and that i would never think before saying something, anything....it is strange that most times i knew what i was going to say or do will in fact hurt the ones i loved, but i did no matter what, i fact i found myself rather enjoying the thought that i have the power to make someone feel terrible....it is strange to me that back then, no so long ago actually, i was such an awful person, and now i find myself being different.
Of course, even back then there was a lot of good in me and of course i did ,in fact, felt bad for hurting other human beings, but somehow a part of me wanted to be bad, cruel, heartless.....i now know why...i was afraid to get hurt. In my mind, at that time, i thought that if i hurt them first they could never hurt me back but in fact my own actions and words hurt me more than they could ever imagine.
I find it strange and funny they i only hurt them to protect myself but ended up hurt by my behavior.
Life is indeed peculiar....
